


I love you, but-

by UMsArchive



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, drabble from my tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:30:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UMsArchive/pseuds/UMsArchive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Lightwoods (at least the young ones, by blood or adopted) never hesitate to say ‘I love you’. Most of all, they enjoy their ‘I love you, but-’s. But ‘I love you, but-’s not followed by ‘I can’t do this anymore’ are something Magnus has yet to get accustomed to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you, but-

The Lightwoods (at least the young ones, by blood or adopted) never hesitate to say ‘I love you’. It’s like an extension of their being. They say it when they’re gleeful and they say it when they’re miserable. They poke the other playfully or they hung on their arm like they are drowning and it’s their last salvation. They say it as a ‘thank you’ and they say it as ‘I’m sorry’. They say it all the time. And you’d believe the myth that it could make the words loose their value, that they’re precious jewels you only take out on special occasions. That you must keep them behind steely safes because they can so easily be snatched from you by the next passerby who sees their glow even better than yourself, so used to them as to take them for granted. 

But it is so natural for them. They would just sit around on a rare lazy day and an unfortunate joke would be cracked (usually by Jace) and another would say ‘I love you, but you’re such an idiot’. Most of all, the Lightwoods enjoy their ‘I love you, but-’s. Jace definitely looks like he does. A smile would spread across his face as if he’d just received a blessing. And then the grin would arch up arrogantly. A joke equal to the first would follow, as if he’d try his luck at hearing it a second time (at this point, however, he’d mostly just get hit). 

For Magnus, ‘I love you’s were a burden he placed on both himself and the other person. It sounded like asking for forgiveness for the weight he has put on them or like offering a gift he was not sure the other would like, something he would drop on their lap with a hopeful smile, hoping the smile they returned was not just covering a great disappointment. And yet there is hope. There are happy outcomes, and the less happy ones. But there is nothing left in an ‘I love you, but-’. ‘I love you, but-’ is as good as ‘I don’t love you anymore’. It’s the ultimatum before finality. It’s the heartache before heartbreak. 

The Lightwoods’ ‘I love you, but-’s are never an ultimatum. They are an assurance. One says ‘I love you, but you’re an idiot’ and the other simply knows to understand ‘You may be an idiot, but I still love’. And it was an assurance arrogant bad boy Jace always hoped for from people.

But ‘I love you, but-’s not followed by ‘I can’t do this anymore’ are something Magnus has yet to get accustomed to. He hears them do it and can almost see himself play along, but old habits don’t die. 

He can never bring himself to the point of saying it to the others. But he says it to Alec all the time. ‘I love you’ when he leaves. ‘I love you’ when he’s back. ‘I love you’ for the simplest of reasons and in the simplest of moments. 

But one day it happens. Alec comes home to one of his craziest decoration ideas by far. Magnus looks at him expectantly, eyes shining. 

Alec sighs. “Magnus, I love you but-” 

Alec is laughing. There is no sign of a danger to come. But he can’t help the momentary sinking feeling. Color leaves his face for the briefest moment. Alec frowns - he doesn’t get to finish. He looks worried.

Magnus brushes it off. Alec doesn’t have to know. “Too much purple velvet, I get it?”

‘I love you, but-’s not followed by ‘I can’t do this anymore’ are something Magnus has yet to get accustomed to. And, in all honestly, he is afraid to.


End file.
